That subtitle is a reference to the fact that yes, I realize I live in a very privileged place and my problems are mere inconveniences compared to those in less fortunate positions. But as another blog reminded me recently, context is important. In the context of my life, this seems to be my greatest failing.
I have too many choices. Literally. It is Sunday evening, too early to go to bed but too late to go out and do something. My cozy apartment is comfortable, my wife is researching something (one of her favorite activities) and I am sitting on my couch trying to decide what to do. I have access to any number of TV shows online (Netflix, Hulu) I have my choice of dozens of games (both paid graphically impressive and free story driven word-fests). My wife also recently got new bookshelves and has about half our books on them, literally within 5 ft of where I am sitting. With the exception of the school books on those shelves, I have read nearly all of them and enjoyed them in some way or another. So I could read a new book (one of the few we have) I could read an older book (I, Jedi springs to mind). I could play Minecraft and build an epic castle or mining complex. I could play Leagee of Legends and mete out justice. Or I could enjoy an interactive story in Echo Bazaar.
And yet none of that sounds appealing. I'm not really sure why except to say that I constantly crave the new. Either new experiences (I own a fair number of games I've only played once) or new information (I could read news websites for hours if I allowed myself). The problem with craving the new is pretty soon its all old, and for it to become new again demands pushing through that feeling of old and discovery what lies beyond the initial exposure. The area I wish I did this more? My Bible. Seriously, taking so many theology courses gave me a deep appreciation for the things not readily apparent in the Bible, and I wish I had the discipline to dig that deep more often.
I hate that I just said that. "I wish..." The problem is that when I decide to do that, I think to myself "now wait... I could also do this with that same time" (Thank you, concept of 'opportunity cost', you evil evil beast). And ultimately I spend 30 minutes deciding what to do, only to realize the laundry is done and I need to fold it all and so can't do any of those things, because by the time I am done I'll only have about an hour before bed, and what can I really do it an hour? "Well I could do this or that but if I do those things then I can't do that one over there or..." Anyone recognize this pattern? It'll be 30 minutes again before I decide what to do.
And that frustrates me to no end. I have craved the new so often that I lack the discipline to dig beyond the surface without forcing myself. And with so many options available, how can I force myself to do something that initially bores me?
So instead I wrote about it all. Maybe with this new job and a regular schedule I can discipline myself enough to dig under the surface and discover not only the blessings of my God in the Bible, but the true depths to which he has blessed me in my world of much.
No comments:
Post a Comment